Grunt Once for Yes, Twice for No

     What is it about teenage boys and their lack of verbal skills?  I know my son can talk.  He can easily extoll the virtues of those new $150 Shaq sneakers, and he managed to burn through 1,450 text messages on his cell phone last month.  Seriously though, when it comes to face to face communication with him, lately, it’s pretty much anyone’s guess as to whether he’ll be in a sharing kind of mood…or a grunting kind of mood! 

     I take some solace in the knowledge that my friends are having the same issues with their oh-so-sweet (yeah, right) teens.  But there’s something about a kid that gives you a know-it-all sideways glance, followed by a deep sigh and a monosyllabic answer, that really pisses me off.  It’s like some weird pavlovian trigger in my brain; he rolls his eyes at me = I immediately have the desire to raise my voice…and not in a pleasant, sing-song way.

     The two of us are stuck in this awkward dance.  He’s 14 and his hormones are raging and running amok.  I’m waaaaay older than 14 and my lack of hormones (hello estrogen?) are making me edgy.  Reason enough to have kids at an early age?

     I can clearly remember my dad telling me (I was 18 at the time), that he really didn’t like me all that much, from the ages of 12 – 17.  Hmmm, not very encouraging, now is it? At the time he said that, I didn’t have enough presence of mind to inquire as to why he felt that way…truth be told, I probably didn’t care that much.  All I wanted was to get back to my dorm so I could get ready for a party that promised to be much more fun than the conversation I was stuck in, at the moment.  Remember grain alcohol?

     So, I guess it’s safe to say (payback) that my kid feels the same way about me???  When did I become not cool to hang out with?  I think I’m still fun to be with, my husband still laughs at my goofy sense of humor.  Did my dad think he was fun back then too?  Crap.

     Maybe I should simply resort to communicating with my son in a way that he’s most comfortable, but I’m not sure he’ll accept my “friend request” on Facebook!

Doomsday Approaching…

     It’s coming, sneaking up on me like quicksand.  The theme to Jaws is playing in my head. I was feeling like a bad mom, but then I started asking other moms if they felt the same way.  The feeling seems to be universal.  What am I referring to, you ask?  The fact that summer is almost over (at least for us Floridians, where for unknown, inane reasons, school starts in the middle of August).  Growing up in New England, summer didn’t really end until the day after Labor Day…that’s still another 5-6 weeks of summer, by my calcs., but here in FL. school starts in 2.5 weeks.  YIKES!  Holy ickiness!! 

     The late buses, no-show buses, overload of forms to be filled out, fees required for ridiculous things (who the hell ever had to pay for a school locker when we were in school?), lunches and snacks that need to be made everyday because if the kids actually stood in line to buy food, they’d have 3 minutes left of lunchtime to eat the food, kids unhappy with their teachers, homework, afterschool activities up the wazoo, carpooling and shuffling here, there and everywhere, more homework followed by not so warm and loving exchanges between kids and parents, the guilt over not wanting to be a room mom, getting out of bed so early in the morning that it’s still dark out, bedtimes that have to be enforced so our little darlings can wake up somewhat ready to face the school day, etc. etc. etc.

     I’m thinking a tall cocktail is in order for all of us moms, or better yet, a foot massage - that way we’ll all be ready to do that we’re-running-a-few-minutes-late mad dash to the school bus.   You know, that big yellow thing that’s starting to pull away from the curb w/o your kid in it.

Yeah, I know you can relate.

Lactose High

What is it about nighttime and ice cream?

     I’m a relatively healthy eater during the day.  I do my share of biking, misc. cardio and working out to hopefully slow down the case of flabbies that I’m starting to see (ok, I’ve been seeing it for years now, cut me some slack), but somewhere between the hours of 9pm – 11pm, the freezer starts calling my name.  And I don’t mean just a faint whisper, I mean a full blown, “YO WOMAN, THERE’S YUMMY MOOSE TRACKS WITH YOUR NAME ALL OVER IT” kind of beckoning.  Hell, scrap beckoning, it’s like an invisible magnetic force and I’m a giant paperclip!  Do you feel me? 

     I’m not the kind of person who starves herself all day, nibbling at a couple of lettuce leaves so that by the time the evening rolls around, I’m simply ravished.  Nope, not my style, so don’t bother to tell me how to better balance my calories and then the sweet, lovely, creamy ice cream (actually frozen yogurt w/ candy in it) won’t seem so desireable.  It is, plain and simple. 

     Truthfully, I’m not looking for a trick or tip so I don’t eat the stuff – I’ve got enough smarts to figure out that I could toss all offending cool goodness down the drain and only buy sugarfree (which we have plenty of anyway) popsicles etc.  I also keep Dibs (those oh-so-cute little 16 calorie per bite) in the freezer, and plenty of nights make it by with only a 3-4 of those sliding down my gullet. 

     My question is this:  If you sit down and devour alot of Healthy Choice ice cream at one sitting (to the point that your bowel tells you it’s time to make a fastbreak for the toilet), at what point is it no longer a HEALTHY CHOICE???